I just don't know what to do!! My son is making me feel like a failure. He is now 12 years old with a down right mean attitude. If I say no, he goes into a fit. I mean treating me like I'm nothing. His favorite line right now is "WHAT EVER!!". It's over things like, cleaning his room or picking up after himself. I ask in a nice way not mean, and he gets all worked up. Feet stumping, throwing things, and a lot of crying!! He is 12 why does he still cry about things like that. It doesn't get him anywhere.
Only if you could hear him talk to me. John and my mother are always telling him "you shouldn't talk to you mother that way!!". But it doesn't sink in. Yesterday after school I was taking him to Wal-Mart to get jeans because has out grown all of his. He said he would like to go Wal-Mart after school to get some, but by time school was over he didn't want to go. I told him we had to go because I was taking my mother with us, and she really needed to go. So he says "as long as it doesn't take long" in a mean tone. I didn't say anything to him when he said that because I want him in a good mood for when we get there. I just told him we are getting what we need then getting out. He knows we hate shopping at Wal-Mart. Anyways we get there and walk in the doors, my mother was going to grab her stuff and we were going to look at jeans. He starts to walk where the toys were. I said "no we are getting jeans and getting out of here. You said you don't want to be in here long" Then he says nasty "blaaaa blaa blaa blaa blaaa" with a mad face. So I then said "well I guess your not getting jeans today!" he was mad and said that if he doesn't get jeans his not going to school. I told him" to bad, your not talking to me that way and then get something you want." I walked over to where my mother was and he walked out of Wal-Mart saying he was walking home. When I got over to my mother she was upset to see me so upset and asked what happened. After I told her, I walked by the front doors to see if he was there, he was walking in so I just acted like I didn't see him and kept walking. He runs up behind me like nothing ever happen and said "hey mom, what's ya doing?" in a sweet voice. I turned and looked at him and said "are you kidding?? You're going to act all sweet like nothing happened?" He just looked at me. He then asked if we were going to get jeans. I said "no". Boy did he get pissed off. I just kept walking to look for my mother. We started to walk by games and he just walked off to them I just kept walking to find my mother. I found her and it was just beyond games. I walked over to him and said "Grammy is right here so let stay with her because as soon as she is done we are leaving". He says "so I'm not getting jeans?" I said "NO are you kidding the way your acting your not getting anything." My mother couldn't believe the way he was talking to me. There were more thing said that I just can't remember but my mother was so mad at him she asked him "what, are you on drugs?" ohhhh he didn't like that at all. He says "Grammy your embarrassing me" Now remember I'm not one who likes to be in public. I have problems being in crowds. I could feel my face turning red, and I just wanted to cry. I could not believe my son was raising his voice the way he was. He didn't care at all about what he was doing. He then said "if I don't get jeans I'm not going to school" So I snapped I got so loud people stopped to see what was going on. Some people walked a little bit aways and acted like they were looking at something, just to hear what was going on. I said "you disrespect your mother and you think I should go out of my way and buy you jeans?? You treat me like I'm nothing and you think your going to get stuff?!! Well then, lets go Josh, lets go get you some jeans because you want them so bad lets go!!!" Mean while I'm pushing him to walk and he said "no!! I don't deserve them!" I said "your right so lets go to the van!" I told my mother to get what she need to get and just meet us in the van. I did all I could not to cry and it didn't work. By the time I got to the front door people were looking at me. We got to the van and Josh kept saying he was sorry. I told him if he was sorry this won't keep happening.
There are so many time I now just can't wait for him to grow up. I can't believe I'm wishing years to go by!! What's wrong with me? Who wishes their kids to grow up or thinks about telling him to go live with his real father because I just can't take it anymore!! That's how I feel in the heat of the moment. I don't want him to go. I love it when things are good, but it seems like the last month it's everyday this happens. He never does this at his father's. What am I doing wrong??
We did talk last night, and he does feel bad about what happened. He says he doesn't know why he does it. The rest of the night he was doing everything in his power to please me. This morning he was sweet too. By the time he gets home from school more then likely he will get mad for some reason or another and talk back I'm sure. He says he's going to work hard and try not to get worked up. I can only hope and pray!
Sorry for the venting blog, I just had to get it off my chest or I'm going to brake down and cry again.